Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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