if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
