Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
