we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
