i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
