idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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