When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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