So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
