awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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