so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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