She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
