adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i out mim tonsoeep
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