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It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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