My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize