Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
