My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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