I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
