Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize