I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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