# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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