May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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