Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize