WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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