ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
