I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
