Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
