Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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