shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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