i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
