I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
