i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Semen is not good for contacts.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
