Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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