I'm really into asian looking animals
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
