Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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