I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
