When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
