you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
