i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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