Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
