If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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