We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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