i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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