i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
