An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
