well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
