Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
