Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
