I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
