At least make sure they are 18
Why
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
