Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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