Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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