I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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