dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize