im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
