I love black thongs
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
