Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize