I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
