Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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