her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
