I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
