direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
