i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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