We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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