your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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