It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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