i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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