1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
