had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
