sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
