How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
