He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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